Your Proudest Moment, My Greatest Grief
by NoSecondChance
Summary: AU, Usagi's thoughts on the death of Mamoru... I cant say much more without giving it away. Please Read, I think it's worth it.


I do not own Sailor moon.

I just felt the need to write this. I am not sure why. Hopefully you will get what its about pretty easily. It not, skip to the end and read the last sentence, then read the rest.

Hopefully it has the impact i wanted to give. R&R

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Twelve months. That's how long I waited to see you Mamo-chan. That's how long I waited for you to visit for longer than a week. But if I had known this is how it would be when you finally came home, I would take back every wish I ever had for you to come home, I would wish instead that you would be safe. But its too late now, for re-wishing isn't something that happens, and time travel is but a sci-fi fantasy. How could I have been so selfish?

When I first heard about your plan, I laughed, thinking it was just something you thought of on whim and would never go through with. When you came back from the camp though I realized exactly how much you wanted this. You changed, you were refined.

You got the letter stating your destination and was ready to accept it. I begged you so many times to run, to hide, but you refused. I loved you and hated you for that for months.

I said goodbye to you the only way I knew how, with a kiss. I threatened haunting if you did not come back. I begged you to keep a promise of return, but you refused. You said you could not promise me something that you weren't sure would happen. That's when I broke down completely. Where the full realization hit me of where you were to go.

Then 5 days ago I received a call from your parents. They told me I should come over right away. My heart leapt in joy at the possibility that it may be that you had returned safe and sound. I raced over faster than ever before. When I got there a unfamiliar car sat in front of the house and two men stood at the door. My first thought was that your had returned, but as soon as the other men turned around I knew different. They were not here to tell me of your return, but of your departure. Of your death. I slumped right where I stood in the middle of the yard. Soon the two men helped me up at your mothers request and pulled me inside. From that moment on I was numb.

There I stood, at the entrance of the church, not wanting to go in. Your mother came behind me and grabbed my hand and helped me enter the church with as much grace as I could muster. The service was nice, everything said in your honor.

Afterwards a man similar to the others came and asked to speak with your parents and I alone. We were pulled into a separate room. The man introduced himself as your escort, and then said there were personal effects that he needed to give us. The first thing pulled out was a letter. I was soon told that letter was from you, it was with you when you died, and was now passed to me. I ripped it open with hope that you had received my latest letter. I was relieved and distraught to see you had, and you were overly joyful for my news.

The man passed out several items while I zoned out, but the last one caught my eye. The ring I gave you for good luck was strung on a silver necklace, presumably wore by you at all times. I looked at the ring to make sure it was the right one and was startled to see that there were engravings on the inside now. Simple words: _Proposed to on May 6__th__,2009._ Realization dawned on me, that the day was the 7th. You were going to propose to me when you got back, but you never got the chance. I was later told you were supposed to come home the day after your death.

Do not worry though, as you know I have something to live for still. I will make sure Rini knows about her Father. I will paint the picture in her mind constantly. She will see her father as a strong man, a man who died for others. I will make sure she knows your proudest moment and my greatest grief, the day you died in uniform to save 6 other men.

To this day your picture hangs on my wall. A picture of you only. Your blue eyes shine through with a piercing stare. The three brass buttons that hold your coat closed, the ribbons that decorate the left hand side, your name decorating the other. Your hair was not tossed around as it usually it was it. You smile is none existent, but if one were to study it closer one would see the smile in your eyes.

The Army took you away from me, but I want you to know, that I love you, and have never regretted that. Never.


End file.
